Never realised.

never noticed my heart beats fast because of him. i never noticed that i always shy away when he's around. i never noticed that i had ignored my friends because of him. not until my friends pointed it out in my face. most of all, i never thought i would fall for him, hard.

Before this, i saw him in school, i always kept my distance away from him, in fact i do not intended to be friends with him, at all! But now, i guess things had changed.

a friend of mine, Mas, brought him to our dance practice. to be honest, i didn't know he's interested in dancing and he's not like what the rumors had said. he may looked like he's ready to kill someone, but when he smiles, he looked so calm and gentle.

i grew fond of him every single day. my heart beats fast when he's not around, and faster when he is. i always wonder why am i like this. i paced back and forth when he's late to our class, when i don't even bother when the other guys are late.

he's a country boy, yes, but it didnt matter to me. i just wanted to be friends. but one of the boys in TBM (The Black Mirror) said,

"i don't like country people." he said. without thinking about this boy feelings. i was like, "It's not a sin to be one."

and you know what did the punk said ?! "it is to me." i was like, WTF?!

i hope the new guy didn't feel sad, :'(

today, we skipped school, the whole Black Mirror skipped school, we're practicing for our audition. but we didn't make it, too bad huh? maybe we need more practice, we're still amatuers. sure, we are all sad, but there's always a next time, and next time, we'll be prepared.

Mas and i are busy packing our bags, Amir and Fahmi are walking together, (not that they're gay or anything.) but there's someone missing, yes. its the new boy. I looked around searching for him, and bingo, i spotted him, starting towards his motorcycle. without any second thought, my body moved by itself and chased him.

i blocked his path, asking him questions that i already knew the answers. i begged him to stay, (not in a desperate way, of course).

"we're heading towards Lenggong, you come too." i said. he shrugged.

"i don't know,Elle." he said.

"i know you're dissapointed, because i am too, but come one, let's cheer you up, okay?" i flashed him s smile.

he stared at me for a moment, and then he nodded. "i'll go back home first, then i'll come."

"Promise?"

"okay." he finally smile and i'm telling you, my heart felt like exploding into pieces!

so, he went back to his house, and here we are, hanging out at Lenggong (it's a restaurant.) Mas's little sister and her friends joined us. we were joking and fooling around and then there's a total of awkward silence. suddenly Amir decided to talk.

"You like him don't you Elle?" he narrowed his eyes towards me.

i flustered. don't ask me why because i don't even know myself. "pfft! no! hah, why?"

"come on, Elle. we saw it in your eyes. i mean, the way you looked at him, the way you talked to him, and your anxious eyes when he's not around. you kept on asking about him, and most of all, the way you ignored us when you teach him the steps. Woman, it's obvious. just admit it." Fahmi decided to join the conversation and now, all eyes on me.

i looked around trying to avoid their gazes so i looked down to my lap. and think hard.

"i don't know, how can you guys know when i dont know myself?!" i breathed.

"because you're my friend. we had been hanging out since forever." fahmi claimed.

I closed my eyes and an image of him flashed into my mind. i thought back hard. i did shy away when he's around or when he stared at me during my dance routine. i did wait for him when he's late. i chased after him without hesitation, i felt sad when he's dissapointed. and now, i'm waiting for him and i felt anxious because he's not here yet.

i raised my chin and stared at Fahmi for a moment. then's when i made my decision, that's when i knew the truth and i had been stupid for not realizing sooner, "You're right guys." i paused. "I love him." i smiled at them.

we finally dropped the subject as soon as we saw him approaching us with his motorcycle. Amir squeezed next to Fahmi. Making room for Mr.perfect to sit beside me.

"Eh, move it man! let him sit next to Elle!"

"wait!"

"Oit! is your butt that big?! you're squeezing me! ish!"

it was chaos in the restaurant. and finally, when he already sat in his chair, Amir squeezed next to him, making him leaning to me. Can they get any more obvious?!

sure i was happy i got friends like them. sure i was happy that he's around me but, there's one thing that i am not happy about. he got his own lover.